| The coaching profession often advocates that if | | | | potential impact on the career she worked so |
| you want to lead a fulfilling life, it is useful to | | | | hard to build, and she imagined her male |
| clarify your values and, once you understand | | | | colleagues surpassing her at work. At the same |
| what is important you, use your values to guide | | | | time, if she imagined working at the same |
| decision making, and to make choices. Although on | | | | professional pace, she felt anger. She knew she |
| the surface this recommendation makes sense, it | | | | would be betraying a big part of herself. She |
| underestimates the emotional conflict that women | | | | would not have the personal capacity to be |
| experience as they use their values to guide | | | | psychologically present with her children because |
| decisions about how to best juggle work and | | | | there was so much "emotional spillage" that |
| family. For working mothers, clarifying values can | | | | happened after coming home from an intense |
| raise questions about identity, independence and | | | | work day. If she went with option three and |
| relationships. Working mothers may ask | | | | thought about working part time, or changing |
| themselves: "If this is important to me, then who | | | | roles, she questioned her organizations ability to |
| am I?" "How will my life change if I honor these | | | | truly accommodate her. She wondered if the |
| values?" | | | | executive team would lose respect for her, or if |
| For professional women and mothers, clarifying | | | | it would change the dynamic of her work |
| values can highlight a double bind. This bind stems | | | | relationships. It felt impossible to "have it all" |
| from the pressure to be an ideal mother and to | | | | because every choice had a significant trade off. |
| be an ideal professional and the reality that these | | | | For women like Inge, trade offs can lead to |
| two ideals often conflict. In society, an ideal | | | | stress because in the end, the "choices" do not |
| mother is highly attentive and emotionally and | | | | feel like real choices at all. They are wrapped up in |
| physically present for her child, and she uses a | | | | "shoulds" and "ought to" and they are linked to |
| style of parenting that is hallmarked by trust, | | | | identity and role confusion, and as a result, |
| bonding, patience, and personal connection. In | | | | women may feel trapped by the options available. |
| contrast, the ideal professional by corporate | | | | This trapped feeling may be a source of stress in |
| standards is someone who is committed to their | | | | itself because it directly conflicts with the |
| profession, able to work long hours, proactively | | | | "freedom of choice" message that society tells |
| builds meaningful relationships, is responsive to | | | | women is so fundamental to their well being. |
| emails and their cell phone, attends networking | | | | The Catch-22 is that if professional women feel |
| events, and builds high performing teams. If a | | | | stress after clarifying their values, it can lead to |
| woman realizes that she values her career and | | | | bad decisions. A key ingredient for good decisions |
| motherhood, she may quickly realize that she can | | | | is moderate stress and a feeling of hope, an inner |
| not measure up to both of these ideals at once, | | | | knowing that it is possible to come up with a |
| and making a choices to weigh one over the | | | | positive outcome. Good decisions are made when |
| other, even for a short period of time, can have | | | | women feel they have the time and emotional |
| consequences. | | | | capacity to appraise a situation, carefully evaluate |
| Clarifying values may also highlight to a woman | | | | options before making a choice, and when they |
| that there is a conflict between what she values | | | | have feel they have adequate time to come up |
| as a professional and what she values as a | | | | with a good solution. Stress, anxiety, and |
| mother. For example, as a professional she may | | | | confusion can impair a woman's ability to explore |
| value accomplishment, results, and status, yet, as | | | | and weigh options and test and try new ideas. |
| a mother she may value nurturing, love, and | | | | Despite the process being stressful, it is still |
| acceptance. When a woman discovers this duality | | | | valuable to discover your values and to use them |
| within her, there is potential for conflict, especially | | | | to guide decisions about work and family. The key |
| as she tries to determine what part of herself will | | | | is to be aware that the process will be stressful |
| over-ride the other or as she tries to organize her | | | | and to adequately prepare yourself, build the |
| life to express what she values in different | | | | appropriate support network, and give yourself |
| domains of her life. As she considers trade offs, | | | | time and space to deal with the emotional issues |
| she will realize that each option has a downside | | | | that accompany the decision making process. |
| and considerable implications for her children and | | | | An executive coach can be a valuable part of |
| career. | | | | your support network and make a positive |
| For example, Inge, a VP of Marketing in a | | | | difference; however when looking for a coach, |
| technology firm, had three primary options which | | | | find someone who understands how personal |
| she was considering when trying to juggle work | | | | choice intersects with norms and ideals within |
| and family. She could: | | | | your family, organization, and society. Also, find a |
| 1) work full time | | | | coach who has a suite of tools that can help you |
| 2) stay home; | | | | to understand what you value, and help you to |
| 3) or do something in between. | | | | understand how your personal and professional |
| She wasn't really the entrepreneurial type, so | | | | values may conflict, and the implications this has |
| didn't aspire to being a consultant or having her | | | | for choice and decision making. Last, but not least, |
| own business. Because she had a high status role | | | | find a coach who can help you weigh options and |
| and earned good money, she realized that staying | | | | who has the tools to help you identify and |
| home or working less would come with significant | | | | manage the stress which is inherent in the |
| downside. She felt sadness, as she considered the | | | | process and often impairs decision making. |