| Yesterday, a friend of mine phoned me and told | | | | her mother because she didn't accept the way |
| me that she had problems with her mother. Her | | | | she was. She realized that indeed, every time she |
| mother actually divorced her father a couple of | | | | met her mother she reproached her for |
| years ago and she is now dating men. She can't | | | | something! |
| stay with one, every time she has to change | | | | Another important thing is, that everybody has |
| because she always find something that goes | | | | the right to be the way they are. Who are we to |
| wrong. | | | | want people to change? We are dictators... The |
| My friend told me that she wanted her mother to | | | | way we want it, even if we find "good reasons" |
| change. And beside this thing with men that she | | | | to want this change, makes us dictate to other |
| disapproved, she also complained about the lack | | | | how they have to be. Dictators had really "good |
| of presence of her mother for her. She explained | | | | reasons" in their beliefs to do what they did! |
| me that she needed her, and that it is really | | | | People have the right to make mistakes, people |
| difficult to have a mother who doesn't care about | | | | have the right to do what they want for |
| her. She thinks it is normal that a mother has to | | | | themselves and we don't have to say anything. If |
| worry about her daughter and ask after her. | | | | we want to give our opinion to people, and if we |
| Freedom Is A Right | | | | know we can because they do agree with it, of |
| First of all, I explained my friend that her mother | | | | course there is no problem. And it is great to give |
| didn't have to do what she wanted her to do. | | | | our opinion to people, this could help if the person |
| When you think about it, even if my friend's | | | | wants to. But the way that the person will act |
| mother doesn't make good decisions with men | | | | with our opinion doesn't matter. It is not our |
| for example, it is truly her choice to do what she | | | | problem anymore. It is up to the person to do |
| wants. Who is my friend to tell her mother what | | | | what she wants to do. We did our job, we gave |
| to do? Who is anybody to tell anybody what to | | | | our advices and opinion about a situation we think |
| do? | | | | is difficult and now it's the other person's job to |
| You can tell me: "She is her daughter", I would | | | | decide what she wants to do with our advice or |
| say: "Yes, and then?". Yes they are from the | | | | opinion. |
| same family, yes they are linked by blood but this | | | | The way people act don't have to have any |
| is not a reason. Nobody, family or not family, | | | | consequences on us. |
| have rights on the freedom of someone else. | | | | There is one rule you have to understand and |
| Family is a sensible topic and in general people's | | | | master: The problems always come from you, |
| rights are overridden in the family circle with more | | | | people are never responsible for your unhappiness |
| power. It is because we have the belief that being | | | | or your misery. This is yourself that make you |
| part of a family make that we have special | | | | unhappy. If you start to believe that you feel bad |
| authority on its members. But it is not true and it | | | | because somebody did that, if you feel angry |
| is really a source of pain. The belief that you can | | | | because somebody told that... It means that you |
| change people even if they don't want to is | | | | put the problem outside of you and can't find a |
| source of pain for both parts too. | | | | solution that will make you really happy. |
| What The Will To Change People Really Means | | | | For example, you could say that if somebody |
| Now, let's see why people don't have to be | | | | does something that hurts you, this is his fault. |
| changed even if you think this is the reason why | | | | The thing is to understand that the fact that |
| you suffer. | | | | other people interact with you is normal. The |
| First of all, I'm not saying that you cannot give | | | | interactions can be in a good way or in a bad |
| your opinion to people. It just depends on which | | | | way, but it is normal! This is the reality. We have |
| frame of mind you are. If you are in the frame | | | | the belief in our mind that everybody has to be |
| of mind to change people, then the | | | | kind with us. This is not true! If we think this, then |
| communication between you and the person you | | | | we are not going to be happy, because we put |
| want to change will not be good. Because you will | | | | our happiness in someone else's hands. |
| talk to this person in the way that she will feel a | | | | The reality isn't that people have to be kind, have |
| pressure that she has to do things in order to | | | | not to be violent... If it was the instance, it would |
| please you. | | | | not be violence neither nastiness on earth. Is our |
| When you want to change people, it means that | | | | world fill in with kind people and non-violent |
| you think and believe that the answer to your | | | | people? NO. So face it! Reality isn't that |
| problems are outside of you, that is to say in the | | | | everybody has to be good to you because you |
| person you want to change. You think that if the | | | | are you and you deserve kindness. If you believe |
| person changes you won't have your problems | | | | it, then you won't be happy, because you will |
| anymore. And this is a big mistake. First if you | | | | think that it is people due to be kind with you and |
| think about it, you don't want the person to | | | | that it is people's responsibility if you are unhappy, |
| change for her good, you always have a benefit | | | | depressed... |
| for this change. If not, you would not make her | | | | When something happens to you, you have to |
| change at all cost. This is a selfish request | | | | accept it. Because things are the way they are |
| because you ask somebody to make a change | | | | and it can't be change. When you think that |
| for your good and for your well being. | | | | somebody shouldn't have done what he's done, |
| This is bad for you because you put the | | | | you go against the reality that cannot be changed. |
| accomplishment of your happiness outside of you, | | | | You fight with reality and you are going to lose. |
| that is to say that you will never find it. | | | | Why fighting if we know things cannot be |
| Happiness, well-being, realization, confidence... are | | | | change? It could seem crazy no? But that is |
| states you can only find in yourself. The belief | | | | exactly what we all do! Complaining about |
| that it is outside will make you unhappy. This is | | | | someone else make you make your own |
| really a tricky thing because when you truly | | | | sadness. Struggling against the reality means |
| believe that your happiness depends on other, | | | | struggling with our self and make our own |
| you act with them in a way where neither you | | | | unhappiness... |
| nor them can be happy and it makes a vicious | | | | You Are Responsible Of Your Happiness! |
| circle. | | | | Another thing, when you think you need other |
| For example in my friend's story, she told me | | | | people's love proof, it means in reality that you |
| that her mother has to change to become more | | | | need a proof of your own love for yourself. |
| present for her. She gave the example of the | | | | When you look for love outside of you, you will |
| phone. She wants her mother to call her more | | | | miss it. You don't need other people's love! You |
| regularly to ask after her and be sure that | | | | need to focus on yourself, focus on the love you |
| everything is okay for her daughter. After all, this | | | | give to you and how you can be mean to |
| is her function, said my friend. | | | | yourself fighting reality all the time and make you |
| I asked her why she doesn't call her mother if it | | | | suffer all the time! If somebody doesn't give you |
| is really giving her some news that she wanted. | | | | the love you want, ask you the question: has this |
| She told me: "No, she has to do that, not me!". I | | | | person the obligation to give me her love? The |
| said that in this instance, the reality is that she | | | | answer is no, so in reality, what makes you |
| doesn't really want to give news to her mother | | | | suffer is not the lack of love but the fact that |
| because if it was, she would just take her phone | | | | you fight reality and don't accept it. The only thing |
| and said: "hi mum, I call you to give you some | | | | to do is, okay, she doesn't love me. Is it a |
| news!" | | | | drama? No more, because you are accepting |
| At this moment she realized that it was indeed | | | | reality, and when you face it. You can't feel |
| not the fact that she wanted to give news to her | | | | unloved anymore, because you give yourself |
| mother but the fact that she wanted a love | | | | enough love to be able to make you stop |
| proof from her mother. | | | | suffering anymore in accepting reality. Accepting |
| I told her, you think your mother doesn't love | | | | reality, means stop fighting and stop fighting |
| you? She told me no, I know she loves me BUT...I | | | | means happiness. |
| said: "STOP, you have your answer, you want to | | | | So, in a nutshell, if you love people the way they |
| change your mother but the reason why you | | | | are and don't wait for anything, well it is true love. |
| want this is not what you think." | | | | True love for yourself because you don't put |
| I told to my friend that loving people means to | | | | your happiness outside, and true love for the |
| love them the way they are. I explained her that | | | | other person because you will respect her rights |
| she wanted proof of her mother's love, but at | | | | and freedom. |
| the same time she didn't give a proof of love to | | | | |