| A tip from a woman who received lots of gifts | | | | It wasn't until last Saturday when I realized what |
| from lots of men. | | | | was really wrong with their gift ideas. |
| Grab any guy on the street and ask, "Why do | | | | Last Saturday, my current boyfriend, Scott, put a |
| you think you buy gifts for your girlfriend or | | | | candle on the coffee table after dinner. My |
| wife?" Their answers are pretty much the same: | | | | immediate thought was "Gee, another candle?" As |
| To make her happy or to make her feel special. | | | | he was lighting the candle, he said "I'm gonna |
| This is the dominant narrative about the purpose | | | | perform magic for you." Then, he took some |
| of gift giving in our society. However, by | | | | black stuff out of his pocket and put it on top of |
| accepting and following this commonly held belief, | | | | the candle. In a while, that black thing cleared up, |
| we all seem to miss out on something truly | | | | and I could read his funny words on why he loved |
| important about gift giving. | | | | me. While I was giggling over his goofy "secret |
| Think about what you bought for her (or maybe, | | | | message", he took something out again from the |
| them?) throughout your life. Flowers? Chocolates? | | | | other pocket and changed the candle into a |
| Lingerie? Jewelry? Aromatic candles? Perfumes? | | | | picture holder. And there were 2 pictures we took |
| Stuffed animals? Spa gift certificates? Designer | | | | when we were vacationing in New Mexico. All the |
| purses? Her favorite wines? Beautiful greeting | | | | beautiful and fun memories flooded over me. |
| cards with lovely words? -- the list goes on and | | | | The next day, after Scott left, I thought about |
| yes, I've received all of them. They are among | | | | how that little candle thing was different from all |
| the list of popular gift items for women. I was | | | | the other gifts I'd received in the past. And a |
| supposed to be happy when my men bought | | | | great realization dawned on my mind. It looks like |
| them for me, but, that was not really the case. | | | | all the guys in my past were duped into a highly |
| I often forgot to change the water and as a | | | | commercialized practice of gift giving. Perhaps, we |
| result, the flowers didn't last long. I blamed my | | | | are all dupe into a myth that gifts are supposed |
| laziness. I had to endure those stinky smells when | | | | to make others happy, while ignoring the reality |
| I threw them out and thought about the money | | | | that whatever gift you choose, it represents who |
| those guys must have spent. Every time I HAD | | | | you are. |
| to eat chocolates, I worried about my weight and | | | | Now, it all makes sense. Those men who wanted |
| blood sugar level. Their choice of jewelry didn't | | | | to impress me with their accomplishments bought |
| match my clothes and other accessories. I had a | | | | me expensive jewelry, perfume, brand name |
| boyfriend years ago who loved seeing me in | | | | purses, or spa certificates. Those who considered |
| lingerie, and he started to buy me some after he | | | | themselves to be romantic bought me flowers, |
| checked on my clothes size. Unfortunately, none | | | | chocolates, candles, or lingerie. What type of guys |
| fit me because I wear petite and he chose | | | | buy their women digital camera or iphone? They |
| regular size. The result? In order to please him, I | | | | are gadget guys! Who is Scott, then, who bought |
| spent my money and time buying lingerie that fit | | | | that silly candle and made me laugh? Yes, that's |
| my body type. My place was filled with | | | | the guy who has the quality I love so much - a |
| half-burned, odd-shaped candles that were once | | | | sense of humor that helps me tremendously to |
| used to create a romantic mood. As greeting | | | | tackle with the stress from my work and other |
| cards started to pile up and clutter my drawers, I | | | | issues in life. |
| found myself in a dilemma not knowing what to | | | | So, guys, when you are in love with your girlfriend |
| do with them. Throwing them out would make | | | | or wife, there must be some qualities in you that |
| me feel like l I had betrayed their love, but I really | | | | made her to fall in love with you in the first place. |
| hated clutters. | | | | Those qualities are what make her happy. Material |
| Am I a complaining, unappreciative woman? No, I | | | | objects don't mean much in and of themselves |
| never complained. Instead, I gave a lot of thanks | | | | (unless your woman is materialistic). If you want |
| to my men because I appreciated their intentions. | | | | to buy gifts for her, I am asking that you don't |
| Nevertheless, in most cases, receiving gifts was a | | | | follow those commercialized gift ideas. Instead, |
| frustrating experience and I thought that | | | | look for something that truly represents who you |
| frustration came from the fact that there was | | | | are, and make her fall in love with you all over |
| really nothing special about the gifts they bought. | | | | again when she receives it. |